The Definition of Evil
by Missa Michel
Summary: As he takes the Dark Mark, Severus Snape recalls the instances in his youth that made him question the definition of evil, and brought him to the conclusion that he should take the Dark Path and forsake the Light forever. This story will include a good d
1. Chapter One

  
  
**The Definition of Evil  
  
Chapter One  
**  
A young man stood in front of the Dark Lord Voldemort, head bowed low out of respect, dressed in the darkest of black robes and a cloak that concealed his identity from his fellow Death Eaters. The Dark Lord spoke to him, and his high-pitched, almost serpentine voice, traveled far so that even the furthest away Death Eaters could hear his sermon.  
  
"We welcome here tonight a new addition to our ranks, a young man who has seen the light at long last," said the Dark Lord, all the while his gaze never straying from the man in front of him, who was in reality little more than a boy at age eighteen. "He shall receive the Dark Mark, therefore forever binding him to me.  
  
"Are you ready, my boy? Are you prepared to forsake all alliances to that bumbling old fool, Dumbledore, and his Muggle-loving friends? Are you prepared to join the winning side and the ranks of my most loyal servants, the Death Eaters?" Voldemort prodded.  
  
"I am, Master," the young man said firmly, his own deep voice reverberating throughout the room.  
  
"Then, so it shall be," replied the Dark Lord, as he took out his wand, grabbed the young man's left arm, and drew up his sleeve to reveal a pale, skinny forearm.  
  
"_Morsmordre_!" hissed the Dark Lord.  
  
The young man winced from the burning pain in his arm, and watched as the tell-tale personal brand of Lord Voldemort burned itself into his forearm. The pain was great, but he showed no sign that it affected him. He had felt worse, much worse, in the past.  
  
Finally, a skull with a serpent emerging from its mouth could clearly be seen on the boy's arm. The burning feeling had lessened, but had not gone away totally. He looked up at his Master, sealing his mind with the Occlumency he had learned in secret while still at school. He didn't want his Master to know of what he was thinking about at that very moment...  
  
The young man supposed that he was brave, even though he had never really felt particularly courageous. In fact, he had grown up constantly being called a coward by his schoolmates. _If only they could see me now..._ he thought to himself venomously. _Then they'd see who I really am and what I'm capable of...  
_  
For a few moments, Severus Snape, who had just been branded a Death Eater by Lord Voldemort himself, allowed himself to ponder why and how he had come to the decision to join the Dark Side.

Severus had always been intrigued by the Dark Arts, ever since he could remember. He used to constantly wish he could perform the Cruciatus Curse on his abusive father, even before most young witches and wizards knew what the curse was.  
  
Severus had learned to read and write from his mother at the age of three. By the tender age of five, Severus had read and re-read all of his father's numerous books on the Dark Arts, much to his father's displeasure and annoyance. Severus was often beaten by his father, for this and for many more reasons, some deserved and some not.  
  
By the time Severus set off to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry at age 11, he knew more magic than most third years. He had been sorted into Slytherin House by the Sorting Hat, which had said, "You, my boy, are one of the brightest I've seen in a long while, but I sense that your future will be Dark, very Dark indeed... I'm tempted to say Ravenclaw, but there is only one place for you, young man, and that's SLYTHERIN!"  
  
During his first few years at school, Severus proved to be the top of his class in most subjects, but he made very few friends. It seemed that no one, not even his fellow Slytherins, wanted to befriend a small boy with greasy hair and a pointed face... especially when that said boy had an obsession with powerful dark magic and spent most of his time in the Potions labs, brewing advanced potions just for fun. There was also the fact that Severus was extremely shy and pushed anyone who tried to help or befriend him away.  
  
And of course, it didn't help that Severus soon became shunned by almost all of his year shortly after his first year had began.  
  
An eleven year old Severus Snape was walking the halls of Hogwarts on the way to his next lesson, Charms. He held a book in front of his nose, and his eyes scanned the pages frantically, as if trying to soak up the information contained in the book like a sponge. Therefore, he hardly noticed, or cared, when he heard a group of four boys turn the corner, chatting animatedly.  
  
"Ah, c'mon, James," said one of them pleadingly, as Severus stopped outside the door to his Charms classroom, which wasn't yet opened. The four boys halted as well across the hall from Severus; they apparently hadn't noticed him yet.  
  
"No way, Sirius... Did you see the look on McGonagall's face when we tried to transfigure our Filibuster's Fireworks instead of those matchboxes she gave us? I don't know, mate, but she doesn't seem like one to cross, if you know what I mean," said a boy with messy black hair and sparkling hazel eyes.  
  
The boy called Sirius, who was tall and had black hair as well, except his was well-groomed and straight, visibly deflated. Another boy, who was pale- skinned and had sandy light brown hair that was in great need of a trim, laughed quietly. "For once, I've got to agree with James, Sirius. He actually makes sense. We definitely don't want to pull one over on McGonagall..." The sandy-haired boy cringed at the very thought.  
  
The fourth and final boy, who was short and chubby, with blond hair in a bowl-cut, just stood there, not participating in the conversation, but watching the other three in wonder.  
  
"But Remus..." Sirius whined even more sulkily than before, "I thought you were on _my_ side! You always are..."  
  
The blond-haired boy laughed as if this was the funniest thing in the world, but Remus just rolled his eyes and said, "Shut up, Peter... You've got the strangest sense of humor; that wasn't supposed to be funny." Remus then turned to his friend Sirius, and stated, "And I'm not on 'your' side, Sirius; I'm on my side. And my side doesn't want itself beaten to a pulp if and when McGonagall finds out we've pranked her."  
  
"And so," James finished with a tone of finality, "We're not even going to try."  
  
Sirius frowned, but eventually gave in. His roaming grey eyes finally caught Severus, who was still reading his book like his life depended on it, and was trying his best to ignore the other four boys. "Hiya," Sirius said cheerfully, as he crossed the hallway to greet Severus.  
  
Severus, who was annoyed that someone had interrupted his reading, looked up from his book with a poisonous look on his face. "Hello..." he answered as he looked over Sirius, James, Remus, and Peter. He noted instantly the four friends' robes, which carried the Gryffindor House crest.  
  
"The name's Sirius Black! Who're you? I don't reckon we've met before..." Sirius said, the perfect example of friendliness.  
  
Severus sighed, and looked bitterly at the boy in front of him, wishing with all his heart that Sirius would just leave him the hell alone. "I'm Severus Snape. Now please leave me be..."  
  
Taking the hint, Sirius shrugged and returned across the hall to his three friends. "The embodiment of happiness and cheer, that one is..." he said, loudly enough for Severus to hear him from a few feet away. Severus narrowed his eyes, but did nothing more.  
  
He heard Peter laugh, along with James, but the boy named Remus shot an almost pitying look Severus's way.  
  
James stopped for a moment, and looked over at Severus once again, taking note of the book he was reading so diligently. He moved a bit down the hallway, trying to read the title of the book. "_The Darks Arts: An Intermediate's Guide to the Magic They Won't Teach You at School_..."  
  
James raised his eyebrows at Sirius, Remus, and Peter, who had stopped laughing at James's words. Severus closed his book angrily and went to place it back in his schoolbag, but James immediately seized it, and as his eyes flickered over the pages, a look of deep disgust came across his face.  
  
"_Chapter 23: Potions to Maim, Cause Pain, Torture, and Kill_?" James spat, his eyes narrowed at Severus, who was fidgeting uncomfortably a few feet away. A few more students had arrived outside the Charms classroom; a couple of Gryffindor girls, including a very pretty redhead, and the four Slytherin boys Severus shared a dormitory with.  
  
"What the...?" Remus sputtered, his eyes blank and staring at Severus, who'd frozen on the spot.  
  
"No wonder he's so unfriendly, the slimy git," Sirius spoke up, disgusted that someone would chose to read about how to create Dark Potions. "He probably traded a much-needed bar of soap for that book!"  
  
A few students laughed, but most of them, including the Gryffindor girls and a few of the Slytherin boys, looked absolutely appalled. Severus finally found his voice.  
  
"It's not illegal to read about the Dark Arts, Black," he growled. "It's not like I'm about to go brew a Killing Concoction and slip it into your pumpkin juice... however much I wish I could."  
  
Severus realized too late that he had said the wrong thing. He had meant for his comment to be humorous, but it made James and Sirius draw their wands in warning.  
  
"You could try," James said dangerously, "but then they'd send you to Azkaban, wouldn't they? Tell me, is everything in that book of yours illegal?"  
  
"Or here's a better question: is anything in there, anything at all, actually _legal_?" Sirius added, as he grabbed the book from James's hands, and paged through it absent-mindedly.  
  
Severus didn't trust himself to speak. After all, hadn't talking to these morons only made things worse for him in the first place? He sighed, and looked over at Remus and Peter, who were still standing across the hall—Remus with his mouth wide open, and Peter looking as if he wanted and expected a fight to break out soon.  
  
Just then, the door to the Charms classroom opened, and tiny Professor Flitwick ushered in his first year students. Sirius followed James into the room and shoved Severus's book back at him.  
  
"By the way, Snape," he muttered at him as he walked by, "this book here says _An Intermediate's Guide_... That must mean you're already well- versed in this rubbish, am I right?"  
  
Severus didn't have the chance to respond, because as Sirius had passed him, he had punched him hard in the stomach.  
  
From that point on, Severus Snape was well-known throughout the school as one of the darkest of Dark Wizards, and the four Gryffindors who had discovered his secret obsession tried their bloody best to make his life a living hell.


	2. Chapter Two

**The Definition of Evil  
  
Chapter Two  
**  
Severus forced himself to come back to the present and to abandon all thoughts of his first year at Hogwarts. The Dark Lord was speaking to him. He forced himself to look the foul creature before him in its eerie, serpent-like red eyes.  
  
"Severus... You are to act as a spy for me. You shall put up an act, tell the old fool Dumbledore any story. I am sure you will be able to think of something; your brilliance is well-known..." the Dark Lord paused for a second as a sinister smile spread across his face. Severus was tempted to cringe at the ugly sight. "In many ways, my boy, you remind me of myself when I was your age."  
  
"Oh? In what way, Master?" Severus asked.  
  
Lord Voldemort's smile broadened. "I, too, realized early that the only thing that matters in this world in power. Those without power, or those who are weak, are useless. They cannot accomplish anything. But power, as I'm sure you are already well aware, is useless, unless the person in possession of the power has a goal. Do you know what my goal is, my boy? Do you know the goal of Lord Voldemort, the most powerful and wisest of all wizards?"  
  
Severus seriously doubted that the man-creature before him was the 'wisest of all wizards', but he chanced a response nonetheless. "You seek many things, Master. Among your many goals, immortality and the purification of the wizarding race are most important."  
  
"Exactly, Severus," Lord Voldemort hissed. "Noble goals, indeed, aren't they? And with my power, I shall someday achieve my aims, no matter what the cost!"  
  
Severus nodded grimly, and forced a smile onto his face. "You most certainly will, Master. And I will help you as best I can, first by infiltrating the Order of the Phoenix right under their Muggle-loving noses..."  
  
He broke off, and the Dark Lord soon dismissed him. He was left to his own devices, and was free to brood once more on how he had come to receive the Dark Mark that night. His thoughts wandered to an incident during his third year at Hogwarts...

Thirteen year-old Severus Snape was quietly working in old Professor Vector's classroom, hovering over his Arithmancy book, and scratching at his parchment with his quill feverishly. As he consulted his charts to check up on some numerical relationships, he heard a distinct giggle.  
  
Tearing his colorless eyes away from the parchment in front of him, Severus looked up to see that Lily Evans, a pretty red-haired Gryffindor girl, had been the one to make the noise. She had apparently laughed sat something the boy beside her had said. Severus craned his neck to identify the boy, and realized with disgust that it was none other than Remus Lupin.  
  
Severus scowled, wishing the two of them would just shut up. What could possibly be funny about Arithmancy class, anyway? Even Severus had to admit it was the most boring class he'd ever taken, even more so than History of Magic, if that was possible. Severus gave a little smile; maybe that was what Evans and Lupin were laughing about.  
  
As he returned to his work, scribbling down digits and plugging them into complex equations, Lily Evans laughed so hard that nearly everyone in the class looked up. Severus scowled, seeing that Lily had turned an embarrassed shade of pink, and Lupin was biting his lower lip, trying not to laugh himself.  
  
Professor Vector, a stooped-over old man with pure white hair and a puffy mustache, seemed not to have noticed the commotion in his classroom, probably due to the fact that the poor fellow was nearly deaf. Severus took it upon himself to act responsibly and maturely, and to tell the two Gryffindors off.  
  
"Evans, Lupin! Some of us are actually trying to work here, so please keep it down for our sakes," he hissed in their direction.  
  
Lily bit her lip, while Remus rolled his eyes dramatically.  
  
"Sorry, Severus," Lily apologized as she shot a look at Remus. "We'll keep it quiet from now on, won't we, Remus?" She gazed daggers at her friend, who smiled and shrugged as he turned back to his Arithmancy tables.  
  
Lily turned back to Severus and gave a little wink, her green eyes still sparkling with laughter. He turned back to his equations, confused. _It means nothing_, he tried to convince himself as he immersed himself once again in the mathematics before him. _It doesn't matter if she's friendly to me; it changes nothing. I'm still Severus Snape, Hogwarts' most despised student_...  
  
As the bell rang and class ended, Severus shot a curious look Lily's way. He noted the way she talked animatedly to Lupin, the way she laughed every time he made a joke. He noticed the little things about her: how her hair had natural highlights of dark blond set in amongst the red, how her eyes sparkled in the sunlight, and how whenever she talked, her hands gesticulated constantly to emphasize her point.  
  
Severus noticed for the first time that James Potter, the same boy who had confiscated his Dark Arts book in first year and who had seized any opportunity to make his life hell since that day, was also staring at Lily Evans, admiration and appreciation in his hazel eyes. He stood with Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew outside the Arithmancy classroom, apparently waiting for Remus to emerge. But anyone with half a brain could see that most of his attention was focused on Remus's female friend.  
  
"Why hello, Remus," James greeted his friend with a clap on the back. "I thought we'd discuss a few things before you—er, leave to see your sick mum tonight." James's eyes strayed back to the pretty red-head beside Remus. "Ah, if it isn't Lovely Lily Evans. How are you today, m'dear?"  
  
Sirius snorted from suppressed laughter, but Severus, who was walking behind the group of five on his way to the Great Hall for dinner, scowled. Potter was sickening, the way he was fawning all over the girl, his eyes practically popping out of his sockets looking at her. She didn't deserve that...  
  
Lily fidgeted a bit, looking like she'd rather be anywhere but near James, but replied politely, "I'm okay... although I'd rather you didn't call me 'dear'."  
  
Severus privately agreed with her, but James replied, "Not to worry, my darling. Your wish is my command, after all."  
  
Peter laughed. "Since when? I didn't think you took orders from anyone, James."  
  
James gave a sly smile in Lily's direction. "There's an exception to every rule, Peter, my boy," he said, then turned to Remus. "Isn't that part of the Marauder's Code, mate?"  
  
Remus chuckled as he took a piece of parchment from the pockets of his robes. "Let's see..." he muttered, as he scanned the parchment, eyes narrowed in concentration. "Actually, no, it's not. D'you want me to add it, James?"  
  
James gave his friend a haughty smile, and said, "Absolutely! How could we have missed that one, anyway?"  
  
"As I recall," Sirius interrupted, a cheeky smile spreading across his handsome face, "we substituted 'there's an exception to every rule' for 'Dungbombs rule' in the Marauder's Code. That was your idea, too, might I add."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes, but James shrugged it off. Severus was just thinking that he'd like to take a different route to the Great Hall in order to avoid being around these idiots, when Peter spotted him.  
  
"Oy, look! It's Snape!" he exclaimed. Peter's favorite pastime was watching his friends torture Severus, and he took advantage of every chance available to him to initiate fights between Severus and his own group of friends.  
  
Severus paused in the corridor, expecting the worst, but wishing to face it like a man. If he had learned anything useful from his abusive father, it was to always face pain and humiliation with a proud face and an unwavering will. And Severus had learned that lesson well.  
  
"Yes, here I am," Severus said sarcastically. "I'm one nasty Dark Wizard, so you should all watch out. Who knows what I'll be doing to you next."  
  
After three years of knowing the Marauders (a name the group of four boys had taken to calling themselves soon after their second year had started), Severus was still amazed that they were so thick as to think that he was a Dark Wizard. He had never so much as uttered a dark spell of any kind; he was simply interested in the theory of Dark Magic. He supposed that his naturally anti-social attitude, however, paired with his curiosity about all things Dark, made them continue to think that he was bad news. In fact, James Potter and Sirius Black had done more damage to him than he had ever done to them or anyone else. It was a fact that constantly nagged at him, and he resented them for it... among other things.  
  
James and Sirius had, once again, drawn their wands against him. This time, however, Severus was ready; he already had his own wand out and raised, ready to cast any offensive of defensive spells he thought necessary.  
  
"So, Snivellus," Sirius started, and Severus cringed. For some reason that he couldn't even imagine, both James and Sirius had taken to calling him "Snivellus", an absolutely grotesque nickname, earlier that year. Needless to say, he hated it. "What are you doing here, this lovely evening? Off to the Restricted Section of the library to find a little light reading on the Killing Curse or something?"  
  
James sniggered, and added, "I doubt it, mate. He's probably read the entire Restricted Section by now..."  
  
Severus gulped. Whether they knew it or not, Potter and Black were right; he had indeed read most of the Restricted Section of the library.  
  
"Come on, you guys," Lily tried to talk some sense into her fellow Gryffindors. "Leave him be. He hasn't done anything to you; he's probably just going down to dinner, like the rest of us." Lily caught Severus's eye, and he softened up a bit; he even gave her a grateful little smile. But, unfortunately, James noticed this silent exchange.  
  
"What the hell, Snivellus?" he growled. "Don't you _dare_ look at Lily like that! She's worth about a hundred of you, so don't be getting any ideas, you hear me?"  
  
Peter looked like Christmas had come early, and even Remus, who usually frowned upon James and Sirius's many rows with Severus, looked slightly angry. Severus was beginning to regret having ever set eyes on Lily Evans.  
  
Finally, after a few seconds of tense silence, he spoke, "At least I'm not fawning over her like I've been struck with cupid's arrow, Potter. At least I've got enough sense to see that you're acting like a love-sick fool, calling her 'darling' and staring at her for minutes on end. You wouldn't see _me_--"  
  
But before he could finish, a fuming James Potter had yelled, "_Incendio_!"  
  
Before Severus could react, he realized to his horror that his robes were quickly burning up right before his—not to mention Lily Evans'—eyes. He cried out, and tried helplessly to stop the magical flames from spreading, but to no avail.  
  
James, Sirius, and Peter were laughing hysterically; Remus Lupin smiled sadly in his direction, but did nothing to help Severus control his flaming robes.  
  
Lily Evans, however, froze for only a moment before angrily pushing passed James Potter and screaming the counter-curse. Once his robes had stopped burning, Severus turned to Lily and thanked her silently with a single grateful look. He winced, however, when he noticed that the palms of his hands were seriously burned. When Lily spotted his hands, she turned furiously to face the Marauders, who were still laughing at the sight of Severus trying to extinguish his burning robes.  
  
"How _dare _you..." Lily spoke quietly, but menacingly. "What has Severus ever done to you, eh? He was sticking up for me, Potter! I agreed whole-heartedly with everything he said about you; you'll never have me, not if I can help it! Especially after this disgusting display of brutality! Do you see his hands?" she asked, gesturing to Severus's palms, which were bright red and bleeding in spots. "I'm going to go to the Hospital Wing with him. And I'll see you later, Potter... hopefully much later!"  
  
Lily grabbed Severus by the arm and hurriedly ushered him down the corridors and up the stairs to the Hospital Wing. She didn't say a word, but Severus didn't want her to.  
  
She cared about him. She hurt when he hurt, and she seemed to be the only one who could see beyond his Dark Arts obsession—his hobby. She seemed to see at least a tiny part of the person beyond the greasy hair and anti- social attitude, or at least she realized that there _was_ a person beyond his outer appearance and his less-than-pleasant demeanor.  
  
Severus was grateful towards her, and for once he wasn't afraid to admit it. When they arrived outside the Hospital Wing, Severus looked Lily straight in her brilliant green eyes, gave her one of his rare sincere smiles, and muttered, "Thanks, Lily..."  
  
She patted him on the shoulder sympathetically, and replied, "Any time."  
  
Severus watched her walk away, longing to hear her kind voice once again. Little did he know that he was beginning to fall in love with Lily Evans...


	3. Chapter Three

**The Definition of Evil  
  
Chapter Three**

For nearly a year, Severus harbored a secret crush on Lily Evans, and over that year, the girl seemed to have taken a liking to him as well. She always stood up for him whenever Potter and his gang bullied him, and she had even seemingly broken the ties of friendship she once had with the Marauders, her fellow Gryffindors. The only one of the quartet she still considered a friend after James had set Severus' robes on fire was Remus Lupin, and although Severus was annoyed by this, he realized that he had no control over who Lily was friends with, seeing as he wasn't really an official friend of hers either.

While he was crushing on Lily Evans, Severus tried his best to remind himself that purity of blood didn't matter. Yes, he was a Pureblood, and yes, Lily was Muggle-born, but Severus tried to push this information to the side and ignore it, because even though Lily was what his house-mates called a Mudblood, she was the best person Severus had ever met in his life, and he wasn't willing to forget that just because his fellow Slytherins and his own parents didn't approve of Muggle-borns.

James Potter, starting the middle of their third year after he cursed Severus over a fight about Lily, had become completely unbearable, which was quite the statement seeing as he had already been bullying Severus non-stop since first year. Now James, along with Sirius and the occasional help from Remus or Peter, had taken up the noble art of pranking.

It had all started right before the third years' final exams, when Severus was in the library one evening, studying for his Charms exam. He had heard a little muffled giggling behind him, but thought nothing of it. _Probably those stupid Hufflepuffs messing around again,_ he thought distractedly, referring to the sixth year boys who were studying at a table behind him.

Severus went back to his work, studying up on Summoning Charms and daydreaming about Lily. Charms was her favorite class, and Severus was grateful to share it with her. His mind wandered, and he saw her in his mind's eye, reciting the Charm. Her green eyes were glowing in concentration, her wand arm was bent slightly at the elbow, and she waved her wand, saying the incantation: "_Accio_ …"

"SPIDERS!" yelled a male voice from behind Severus. He turned around, perplexed and annoyed, to see one of the sixth year Hufflepuff boys, looking absolutely terrified at his Transfiguration book, out of which a few large spiders were crawling. Severus rolled his eyes. _The idiot_, he thought to himself. _Of course there's bound to be spiders in an old castle like this. Grow a backbone, you prat_.

But as Severus turned back to his Charms textbook, he too yelled out. There were humongous cockroaches, at least half a dozen, crawling all over his book, and more were moving about the table and starting to swarm on the floor around the table.

Severus got up and left the table, books and all, in such a hurry that he tripped over his chair and came tumbling down to the library floor. All over the library, students were screaming and panicking, leaving their homework behind to flee from various insect-horrors. But in the midst of this chaos and commotion, Severus could hear laughter… and it seemed to be coming from behind a large bookshelf behind him.

Severus got up off of the floor to investigate, a feeling of foreboding taking over, along with a sort of dangerous curiosity. He walked around the bookshelf, only to find the Marauders, all four of them, laughing hysterically at the chaos, Severus was sure, that they had caused.

"What did you do?" Severus nearly growled at the four Gryffindor boys.

James and Sirius stopped laughing just enough to enlighten the anti-social Slytherin. Peter's face was bright red, and he seemed to be having a hard time breathing, while Remus covered his enormous grin with both hands, and tried to take in a few deep breaths himself.

"Oh, we just enchanted everyone's textbooks to appear as if large, nasty insect were crawling of them. Quite funny, isn't it, Snivellus?" James replied with a mischievous grin.

"Y-you mean…" Severus stuttered, forgetting for a moment that he was having a semi-civil conversation with his worst enemies, "You mean that the bugs aren't- they aren't real?"

"Exactly, Snivellus, my dear chap," said Sirius as he clapped Severus on the back roughly.

"Even you have to admit it's funny, Severus," Remus put in, avoiding, like he usually did, using Severus' terrible nickname.

Severus just shook his head in shock. "Crap…" he muttered, and when he turned around to see whether or not the cockroaches had disappeared from his books or not, he was surprised to see that they had not; in fact, there seemed to be even more of them than before. It was disgusting!

"Go on, Snivellus, go get your books. I dare you," Sirius said, pushing Severus towards his abandoned table, which was now infested with roaches.

Severus knew that the bugs weren't real. He had read all about the Illusion Spell the Marauders had used for their first prank, so he knew that the grotesque insects were only a figment of his imagination. This didn't stop him, however, from being scared stiff of the roaches.

"Aw, looks like Snapey-poo is scared," James laughed.

"Look, don't worry. The spell should wear off in a few minutes. You don't have to—" Remus started, but he was soon cut off by his two dark-haired friends.

"Yes he does, Remus! Now go, Snape! Get those books," James said, pushing him along with Sirius towards his table, which was still swarming with inch-long, creepy-crawly insects.

"Ten galleons say he doesn't do it," Sirius bet against his friends.

"You're on," Peter squeaked in between squeals of laughter.

But Severus wasn't moving. He was frozen, black eyes wide in terror. There was no way in hell he was going anywhere near those bugs… they were just too _gross_, and there were too many of them, by now, there must've been _hundreds_ of the tiny monsters. Despite the combined pressure of James and Sirius, trying to make him move neared to the roach-infested table, he wasn't budging.

"No," he managed to spit out. "No, no, no…"

But then, Peter joined in, trying to push Severus towards the table, and finally, the scrawny, greasy-haired teen budged. Not only did he budge, he fell face-first onto the floor in front of the table, where many of the fake roaches were crawling about, over and under one another.

Severus could almost _feel _them as they crawled over his hands, and later onto his face. Their tiny legs were tickling his skin, and he shuddered, afraid to breathe, lest they crawl in through his mouth. He heard the Marauders laughing whole-heartedly somewhere in the distance, for his mind had left him long ago.

He felt nauseous, and just after a cockroach scampered over his upper lip, he vomited all over the library floor, and, much to his own--as well as the Marauders'—disgust, himself. He got up quickly, shaking the imaginary insects off of him, and got ready to round on the idiots who had done this to him.

Their laughter stopped for a moment, only to intensify two-fold as few seconds later the imaginary roaches finally disappeared. Severus watched as Madam Pince, the librarian, gave the four Gryffindors a good talking to, a week of detentions each, and fifty points from Gryffindor.

She then escorted Severus to the Hospital Wing, a pitying look in her eyes. He had told her that he was fine and that he only needed a toothbrush, but the old woman would hear none of it.

While he left the library, Severus heard James say to his mates, "Next time, we should work on not getting caught. We need a bit of subtlety for next week's prank."

Soon enough, third year was over, and the exams out of the way. Severus went home in a deep depression that his parents didn't appreciate at all. He didn't care, though. Most of his time was spent in his dusty old bedroom, staring up at the ceiling, deep in thought. Needless to say, Severus Snape had a miserable summer, and he wasn't looking forward to returning to Hogwarts, either. In fact, the only thing that made him want to return was the hope that some day, Lily Evans would fall in love with him as deeply as he loved her.

* * *

Much of Severus' fourth year was spent dwelling upon daydreams of Lily, and his grades soon began to suffer for it. He just didn't care anymore. What was life, anyway, when no one loved you, not even you parents? Severus became resentful towards all of the people around him, and spent all the time he wasn't spending doing schoolwork or thinking about his crush reading up on even more advanced Dark Magic. He found the spells in the musty old books refreshing and invigorating; reading about them gave him something to dwell on other than his own sorry life, and he welcomed the release the Dark Arts gave him.

Severus, who was convinced that the entire world was against him, and only him, was therefore shocked to learn that he was to be partnered up with Lily Evans in Potions class for the second term of his fourth year. All during the first term, he had been partner up with Tobin Zabini, a Slytherin boy who tolerated him, but really reeked at making Potions. Lily was going to be a welcome change, since her grades in Potions class rivaled his own.

"Hi, Sev," the red-haired beauty greeted him politely as she sat next to him and set her schoolbooks aside.

"Hello," he said with a hint of a smile.

The Professor put the instructions for brewing a Strengthening Solution on the blackboard, and Severus and Lily set to work on the potion. Well, Lily set to work, Severus just stared at Lily.

"Look at that slime-ball!" said an angry James Potter from across the room, staring irately at Severus, who had been stuck in a trance for the past few minutes staring at his Potions partner. "He's staring at Evans like she's a…a…"

"Piece of raw meat?" his new partner, Remus Lupin, suggested as he added beetle eyes to their potion.

"Yeah! It's sickening! As if a slimy git like him could ever have a chance with her."

Remus looked up from their cauldron, and stated, "As if you have a chance, either, the way you act around her."

James stared at him in shock, "Whose side are you on, anyway?"

Remus just shrugged and stirred the potion, but James could've sworn Remus' lips were turned up in the tiniest of smiles. James decided to cut up his knot grass and ignore Evans and Snape.

Meanwhile, across the room, Severus had finally stopped staring at his partner enough to actually work on their potion. He found it difficult, however, to concentrate on the task at hand when such a beautiful creature was sitting right next to him. He went to add the knot grass into the bubbling mixture before him, only to be stopped by Lily's hand.

"Severus, that's not supposed to be added until after I stir the potion four times clockwise," she reprimanded, but Severus was distracted once again by the feeling of her hand on his arm.

"Right, sorry," he said quietly, unable to look the girl in the eye.

He let her add the knot grass to the potion, and instead focused on skinning his shrivelfig. This became ever more difficult when Severus realized that Lily was humming a tune under her breath as she worked. It was the most intoxicating sound he'd ever heard, and he thought it was beautiful beyond measure. He stopped himself just in time before accidentally cutting his own finger.

"Be careful!" Lily exclaimed exasperatedly, seeing that he'd almost cut himself. "Want me to do it?"

"No, sorry," Severus said, still not looking his partner in the eye. "I'm usually very good at Potions, you know. I'm just feeling a bit off is all."

"I know you are. Mind telling me what's wrong today?"

Severus finally gathered the courage to look Lily in the eye; those sparkling, lovely emerald eyes. He felt like looking away, afraid that she'd see something of the truth if he looked her straight in the eye, but decided against it. They were too beautiful, _she_ was too beautiful, for him to look away just yet.

"No," he squeaked, his deep voice for once reverting back to that of an eleven-year-old's. "I'd rather like to keep that to myself, but thanks for asking."

He looked away, then, and just as he was about to dump in the skinned shrivelfigs, something small and round plopped into his potion and a dark blue cloud formed above the cauldron, smelling distinctly of dung. Severus looked immediately towards James Potter, and saw to his immense displeasure that the messy-haired boy had a huge grin on his face, and that his friend Remus was covering his mouth, trying not to laugh. Remus was stealing looks towards Sirius Black, who was partnered up with Severus' old partner, Tobin Zabini.

Severus followed his gaze only to be hit directly in the forehead by another stink pellet, courtesy of a giggling Sirius Black. It was then that Severus and Lily's cauldron exploded, showering all the students within a five foot radius with the hot, stewing mixture. It was unfortunate that the Strengthening Solution only worked if consumed, because Severus would've liked the extra strength to pound Black into a bleeding pulp.

"Order, order! All students covered in the potion, it will not harm you, but please wash it off in the sinks to the right of the room! Evans, Snape… you both shall receive zero marks for the days work and ten points from both Slytherin and Gryffindor." their Professor called out to them.

"Maybe you should wash your bloody hair for once while you're at the sinks, Snivellus," Black shouted from across the room. Severus made a move to take out his wand, preferably to curse Black, but a touch from Lily dissuaded him.

"Ignore them," he heard her whisper under her breath. "They're complete morons, the lot of them."

Severus sneered at her, his good mood from being around Lily temporarily hampered by the fact that he was soaked in Strengthening Solution. "What about Lupin, though? Surely you don't think he's a moron. You two are such good friends…"

She shook her head as she wiped the potion off of her face and out of her long red hair with a damp old towel. "He's just as bad as the rest of them. When has he ever stopped them from doing anything illegal or against the rules? Sure, I can tolerate his company, and he can be all right when he's not around the other three, but once they're together… he, too, joins the ranks of Hogwarts' most notorious morons."

Severus laughed, and Lily smiled. "Here, you've missed a spot."

Severus froze as Lily leaned in and rubbed some of the potion off of his cheek. Once she was done, she smiled. "There. Good as new."

It was then that the bell rang, signifying the end of class and the beginning of their lunch hour. Lily turned to go back to their desk and retrieve her books, but Severus, overcome by some foreign source of courage, put a hand on her shoulder, and said, "Wait."

She turned around, confused. "If this is about our zero marks, don't worry, we'll make up for them—"

Severus elaborated, the words spilling out of his mouth in a rush. He had no idea why he was saying these things, but he knew that he had to. He was tired of keeping secrets. "No, no, it's not that, it's just…Lily… I think I love you. I have since third year! That's why I couldn't concentrate on our potion today. You were humming a song, and it was so pretty; what was it? It was like you were enchanting me with every note you hummed, and I couldn't concentrate for the life of me! D'you know what you do to me, Lily? You're the only good thing in my miserable life."

Lily stood in front of him, frozen and speechless. Severus scanned her face, trying to discern her feelings, but her face was blank and pale.

"Lily? Say something. I've just confessed my undying love to you!" Severus pleaded nervously.

Lily's mouth opened, as if she was about to say something, but she was interrupted by a voice calling out, "That's disgusting!"

Severus turned around, only to see the last person he'd want to see while confessing his love to Lily Evans: James Potter. Apparently, he'd hovered outside the classroom door, and had heard everything Severus had said.

"None of you business, Potter," he growled.

"Yes, it is, especially since you're hitting on my girl!" James shot back as he pulled out his wand.

"Your girl?! I do believe I just heard Lily say that she thought you and your gang of Marauders to be 'morons' a few minutes ago!" Severus added as he took out his own wand, ready for the worst.

"Well, at least we're not slimy, good-for-nothing, hook-nosed, Slytherin gits like you!"

"At least I have the courtesy to treat others like people, and not target practice, unlike you!"

"SHUT UP!" surprisingly, this last bit had come from Lily, whose face was as red as her hair.

"Potter," she hissed at the messy-haired boy across the room, "there is no way in hell that I'd ever go out with you, or be your 'girl', so just lay off for once, okay?"

James stood wide-eyed at Lily, who turned, slightly less angrily, but still fuming, to Severus. "And you, Severus… I don't have any feelings for you, save pity. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is."

"But—" both boys echoed each other at the same time.

"No buts. I'm going to lunch now, and if the two of you start fighting while I'm gone, I'll never speak to either of you again. You've been warned." And so, she left the potions classroom, leaving only a shocked and disappointed James Potter and a heartbroken Severus Snape in her wake. Neither boy felt much like hexing the other at that point.

A/N: I don't believe I've said it in earlier chapters, but please review! Also, I doubt I'll be able to update from July 16th through August 3rd, since I'm going on vacation and I don't know if there will be computers. Sorry! :(


End file.
